The next time you chuckle at the antics of a comedic
duo performing a slapstick routine, you'll notice that two roles are being
played. One person gets the pies in the face, while the other throws them.
Most relationships, curiously enough, are like this. One partner is dominant
while the other is submissive. We reveal which role we play in various
ways, the most obvious of which is through speech. Phrases like, "I'm very
sorry," "Excuse my clumsiness," or "May I please?" all imply a degree of
submissiveness. Phrases like, "Can you do such and such?" "Will you let
me know?" or "Get back to me soon" all reveal the dominant mode.
However, dominant or submissive behavior
isn't shown only through what we say. It can be conveyed non-verbally as
well. Can you tell the difference between these roles just by watching
two people interact? If you know what to look for, body movements contain
signs that are just as telling as words, but not nearly as obvious.
Following is a list of everyday gestures.
To learn how well you can decipher these physical flags, rate each behavior
as dominant or submissive.
Dominant
Submissive
Shoulder shrugging
Touching of partner
Smiling
Interrupting a partner's speech
Gazing downward
Jerking of head sideways
Putting a hand on one's own body
Gestures with palms down
Tilting head to the side
Loud, low-pitched voice
Very soft voice
Fingers spread, pointed toward partner
Rotating palms upward
Sped up speech
EXPLANATION
Psychologists have long-relied on "expressive movements," or body cues,
to probe the inner feelings of people. Today, kinesics, the study of body
movements, is a natural outgrowth of this practice. Numerous pop manuals
on body language promise to teach people how to read others by presenting
a laundry list of postures and definitions of what each movement means.
But such popular books are not always reliable.
What little we know for sure about body language comes from careful
research done by people like anthropologist Dr. David Givens and the late
psychiatrist Albert Scheflen. The items in our quiz are taken from their
studies. Gestures of dominant persons are usually directed outwardly to
another person. A steady unwavering gaze or the touching of one's partner
is a dominant action. Submissive gestures are usually protective, such
as touching one's own body or shrugging one's shoulders.
Unfortunately, submissiveness is equated with inadequacy. But this is
not necessarily so. Submissive people are often happy, well-adjusted, and
productive. Furthermore, one isn't always submissive in every situation
and with all people. More likely, a person displays degrees of dominance
and submissiveness at different times depending upon the setting. Assuming
a role that is proper in a given situation, of course, is a sign of maturity.