On a dark winter's evening, the web to explore
Warm Domino's Pizza arriving at the door,
Up a ways in the listings, one more channel had been born,
I was curious and my interest peeked, so I quickly typed /join.

There she sat on the channel - I was home, I could tell.
And I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she messaged me a greeting and welcomed me that day
There were no voices on the channel, I thought I heard them say.....

Welcome to the Internet Relay Chat,
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place),
Plenty of room on the Internet Relay Chat,
Any time of year, you can find us here.

Her mind is banter-twisted, the channel she tried to defend,
She's got a lot of witty, witty boys, that she calls friends,
How they fight on the channel, all without regret.
Some come to remember, some come to forget.

So I /queried the operator, 'Please make me an op!'
He said, 'We haven't had that priviledge here since my nick moved to the top',
And still those /queries are calling from far away.
Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say.......

Welcome to the Internet Relay Chat.
Such a lovely Place (such a lovely pace).
They're chattin' it up on the Internet Relay Chat.
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis.

Fights on the channels, bots will never suffice -
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device',
And in the private meetings, they gathered for the feast.
They fight it with their battle scripts, but they just can't kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door,
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.
'K-lined!' said the IRCop, We rule! no reprieve.
You can log off any time you like, but you can never leave.

My little girl, she's hiding from me.
I search for her on IRC.
I try a /who, get no reply.
I wonder if she's mode +i.

Whois Whois, oh no,
I gotta know, i yi yi yi
Whois Whois, oh baby,
I gotta know ...

Three nights and days I search Efnet,
But I ain't seen my baby yet.
My /notify has 90 nicks,
All variations of my chick's.

Whois Whois, oh baby,
I gotta know, i yi yi yi
Whois Whois, oh yeah,
I gotta know ...

I look her up with /dns.
I ping my girl's IP address.
I know she's on, I see the return.
Her current nick I'll never learn.

Whois Whois, oh baby,
I gotta know, oh no
Whois Whois, oh baby,
I gotta know now

Rewritten by Nakito, many thanks!!